I don’t know if I blogged about the weird ex BF thing when it happened. It was a couple of months after C died and I was contacted by 3 of my exes within a 3 week period. (I don’t mean the exes were weird…although I don’t tend to go for normal, but I wouldn’t call anyone weird on a public blog!)
Well, in the last 24 hours I was contacted AGAIN by 2 of them, and I was contacted last week by the other one.
It’s kind of weirding me out. It’s like I’m being stalked by the freakin‘ witches of Macbeth. Why is does it always happen at around the same time? Is it nature? Is there some kind of “boy law” that says you can only email exes every so often after they are widowed?
Whatever it is, I just reply politely and chat away, it’s actually nice to catch up with people from the past. One thing it’s taught me though is that men stop maturing at around 24. They are all EXACTLY the same as they were when I knew them years and years ago. Same hobbies, (only worse in some cases!), same mentality, same life really, and all still living within a 10 minute drive of their mums. And I never went for “safe” men. I had relationships with rebels, wild ones, punks, men who weren’t always the norm, into alternative lifestyles, sometimes to the extreme.
I just feel so far removed from that life now, and I like to think it’s because I have grown up and they haven’t.
The reality is that just less than a year ago my life was “perfect”, I had a family, we had big plans for the future, but it all crashed down on us when C became ill. I wonder why I was contacted by the past after so long, just at a time when I was on my own again. I’m not talking about individuals here, just “the past” in general. I’m feeling pulled between Bristol and back home at the moment. Although I have a crap life here (socially on a personal level), I have the security of my house, and The Boy and I have our routine and activities. If I move back home this year I’m losing the security of this house, although I’ll always be ok because of my mum , but I love my independence. The main problem is that I am completely on my own down here, and that in itself makes me feel panicky just thinking about it. I would have support from family and friends back home, and at the moment, that means more to me than the security of my own permanent house.
Going back to the weird ex thang though, I wonder if they just pop into my life now and again to remind me that going home won’t feel the same as it did back then. It’s when I’m contemplating moving home that I suddenly see an email or one pops up on myspace or MSN. Or is it to remind me that I have a life there and should come home?
AAARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH